Random Argument
by Lexion Kidd
Summary: Mest buys a boatload of Snickers, or was it Wendy? Either way, Wendy wants out. Humor is the genre, and humor is... funny(Hah, I got you) :)


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fairy Tail

"Wendy, what are you doing?!" Wendy turned and shot Mest a questioning glare as she stuffed the rest of a King Sized Snickers bar into her mouth. Ignoring the look his roommate was giving him, Mest charged over and grabbed Wendy's chin and forehead and tried to force her mouth open. "You're ruining my evil scheme!"

Grabbing Mest's hands, Wendy pushed back. Chewing and swallowing the last part of the Snickers Bar, she frowned up at a rather panicked Mest. "What is your deal man? Let me go!" Pushing harder, Wendy leaned as far back as she could.

Letting Wendy go and pulling at his hair as she toppled backwards onto the floor, Mest started to pace back and forth in front of the kitchen counter. "No, no, no! You're ruining everything! I've calculated everything down to the last crumb of Snickers, and you just put a ten dollar and fifty-seven cent dent in my master plan!"

Wendy picked herself off of the ground and rubbed her head. "Do I want to know what you're talking about?"

Glancing at Wendy out of the corner of his eyes, Mest just shook his head. Wendy sighed and just went to go pick up another Snickers bar. "Fine, whatever you're doing, just keep me and the rest of the block out of it." Wendy peeled the wrapper off and crammed half of it in her mouth on the first bite. Swallowing, she put the rest of it down and headed to the fridge. "Remember what happened the last time you had an 'evil scheme'?"

"Hey, it was a perfect plan!" Mest pouted.

Wendy leveled a glare over her #1 roommate mug, courtesy of Mest as of her last birthday (she'd turned down the mariachi band). "It was a terrible plan! You thought Groundhog Day was meant to be a day for a groundhog invasion!"

"Exactly! The furry little devils are super-fast and hard to catch, and they're so cute that no one would suspect them!"

"And then you decided to dig tunnels for them all over the place!"

"Do you know how much space you need to house four hundred plus groundhogs?!"

"No, no I did not, until you decided to dig up half the neighborhood to do just that!"

"In my defense, this plan is nothing like that other one. It only needs four thousand six hundred and twenty-three pounds of Snickers."

Wendy opened her mouth to snap at Mest, but then what exactly he said clicked in her mind. "Let me get this straight; you need almost five thousand _pounds_ of Snickers?! Where in heaven above to hell below did you scrounge up that much money?!"

"I told you yesterday that I was going to borrow your card for a small purchase!"

"YOU WHAT?!" Wendy ran over to Mest and grabbed his shirt, dragging him down to eye level.

"Well I-

"I'll tell you what you did!" Wendy growled. "You _took_ my card, bought five thousand pounds of freaking _Snickers_ , and then have the _audacity_ to scold me for eating a Snickers bar that _I FREAKING BOUGHT!"_

Standing up to his full height, Mest picked Wendy up and sat her on the counter. Leveling a glare and frown on an equally frowning and glaring Wendy, took a full step forward until he was standing right between her legs. Towering over his much smaller roommate, Mest leaned forward and stared right into Wendy's eyes before shifting his gaze towards her hair. Ignoring Wendy's intense blush, he started to gently tangle her hair in his hand.

"I need to know…."

"Kn-know what?" Wendy breathed.

"How exactly do you keep your hair so soft?" Mest tilted his head to the side and breathed in her hair. "I mean, it's soft and fluf- ooooohhhh!"

Mest grabbed his crotch and dropped to the floor moaning in pain as Wendy brought her knee down. "Wendy! Why would you do that?! You know I'm sensitive down there!"

"I don't really see how, since you've basically got nothing down there anyways!"

"Hey! I resent that!"

"I don't care! You tried to seduce me into forgetting my anger!"

Mest blinked up at Wendy and frowned. "Okay, two things. Number one: We've agreed that while I am an extremely attractive man of almost godlike proportions, seduction is never gonna happen with me. And two: you might want to take about two steps back. I can see way too much under that ski- mmph!"

Wendy shoved her foot into Mest's face again. "Stop sneaking peeks at me and take this seriously dammit! How much did you spend on the Snickers?!"

"I don't know! I didn't keep the receipt!"

"Aagh, how stupid are you?! Now I have to go to an ATM and check my balance! Do you know how much work that is?!"

"Uh, like a five minute drive to the Stripes down the street?"

"Yes!"

"Why is that such a big deal?!"

"Because gas prices are through the roof!"

"It's only one fifteen at the same Stripes! That's cheaper than any other gas in the United States right now!"

"I don't care! You're driving me down there, paying for the gas, _and_ you're going to pay me back for _every single Snickers bar!_ "

"Uh, I don't have that kind of cash. That's why I borrowed it from you in the first place!"

"You stole it! Borrow implies that you intend to return the money after a while! You don't intend to return _anything!_ "

"Would you stop yelling?! You're going to bust my eardrums!"

"Argh, fine!" Wendy stepped back from the now bruising Mest. "But what I said still remains. Let's go."

"Okaaaaaay, fine! I'll drive you to the Stripes."

"You totally ran that red light!"

"I'm telling you, if you're halfway through the intersection when the light goes red, you didn't run the light!"

" _Yes_ , that is true, but you were at least ten feet away from the light when it turned red! In other words, you just got me a ticket!"

Mest started chewing on his bottom lip while staring down at Wendy. "Okay, I think you're mad at me, but I can't figure out why."

"Oh, I give up!" Wendy flopped onto the living room floor. "I give up! You're hopeless! You spent seven hundred forty-six dollars on Snickers!"

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHH, okay, yeah, that's right. I am really sorry about that." Mest actually had the decency to look chagrined.

"Right, whatever." Wendy sighed. "Just, please, get rid of it."

Mest nodded with understanding. "Absolutely. It shall all be gone rather soon. I'll have it all eaten in a few days."

Wendy looked up through her bangs. "Really? A few days? What are you, Superman?"

"No, but I will be after I eat all the Snickers."

"Agh, you are a royal headache." Wendy planted her face on the table. Pointing in Mest's general direction, Wendy mumbled. "Explain yourself, Peasant."

"Well, my plan is- Wait, did you just call me Peasant?" Mest's face fell. "Why would you call me that? That's really hurtful you know!"

"Okay, I'm sorry." Wendy sighed. "Just, please, explain."

"I'm still hurt, and I'll probably need therapy, but fine. My plan is this: You know how there are all of those Snickers commercials where someone is having a bad day and someone else is like 'Hey dude, you're not yourself, eat a Snickers!'? Well, I've decided that if you return to normal when you're not yourself by eating one of those little fun-size Snickers, how much would you improve if you ate a regular Snickers when you're having a good day?"

Wendy just looked over at Mest with her head still on the table. "Really. That's your plan."

"I wasn't finished! So I tried it, and it worked! I ate a Snickers right after I got a high score on my IQ test."

"Oh yeah? How high was it?"

"Ninety-two! That's almost a hundred!"

"Mest, that's a really low score. That's like, a four year old's IQ. Actually, a four year old would probably have a _higher_ IQ."

"Whatever, it's better than my usual eighty-seven, so I was having a really good day. Anyways, so I ate a Snickers and bam! I went and shot three pointers and got one out of sixteen! That's way better than my usual none out of fifty!"

"So you based all of this on a low IQ score and pure chance?"

"No, I based it off of a record and a scientific test!"

"Whatever. So why the five thousand pounds?"

"Well, I decided that if one made me better then the effect should stack up. So I calculated how much it would take me to reach Superman levels of power!"

"That is the most stupid idea I have ever heard." Wendy sat up and shook her head. "The absolute worst."

"Just you wait. I've proven you wrong before, I can do it again!"

"That was one time."

"One time is all it takes."

"For what, exactly?"

Mest held his hands over his heart. "For hope."

"Shoot me."

"Okay!"

"Do it and Gajeel comes in with his fence post."

"Fine, I was just doing what you asked!"

"Please, just eat your Snickers, be Superman, and just leave me the hell alone."

Frowning, Mest walked over and put his hands on Wendy's shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?"

Wendy shoved out of the chair, knocking Mest back in the process. "I'm perfectly fine. Just leave me alone! I'm through with your bullshit! I'm out!"

"You're what?!"

"I'm out! I'm moving out!"

And with that, Wendy stormed through the apartment and into her room, slamming the door closed behind her.

And so two weeks passed very, very slowly for Mest and Wendy. Mest because he was agonizing over Wendy leaving, and Wendy over… well, over nothing. Mest had _really_ outdone himself in trying to get her to stay. Chocolates, flowers, home-cooked meals, and when he accidentally burned everything, take out from her favorite restaurant. He almost brought home a puppy, but then he remembered Wendy's outlook on pets other than that she-devil Carla….. did NOT end well. Basically, he pulled out all the stops, and Wendy was just eating it up. But when a week later he stopped leaving little gifts outside her door, she got worried. Mest only walked around like a zombie, doing nothing but sleeping and eating when it was absolutely necessary. And she wasn't even gone yet! She hadn't been joking about leaving, she really was going to….. eventually. Maybe sometime next week, or…. next year, orrrrr okay, yeah. She was never leaving, might as well just face it; she was stuck with Mest for life. And honestly, despite all of his stupid shenanigans, she wouldn't trade her crazy, lazy ass roommate for the world. Huffing, Wendy rolled out of bed and walked dejectedly over to the door and opened it. Walking down the hall, she knocked on Mest's door. Since he never really came out, she figured he was probably just napping. Sighing, she leaned on Mest's door, just in time for it to swing open. Luckily though, Mest was there to catch her from falling. A very, _shirtless_ Mest, she soon found out. Wearing nothing but a pair of jeans topped with bed head, Mest just stared at her before rubbing his eyes and yawning. "Hey, what's up Wendy? You okay?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine, just, uh….. are you okay? You know, you've been pretty zombie like recently, and I was just checking to make sure that you weren't like depressed over me leaving."

"Huh?" Mest rubbed his head. "I was out with the flu, of course I'm gonna be like a zombie."

"Oh." Wendy dropped her gaze to the floor. "Well, uh, I guess I'm here to apologize. I shouldn't have said I was leaving, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

"Dude, I knew you were kidding. You can't move out; it's in our contract."

"What?!"

"Yeah, I thought you of all people would remember that. You stuck with me for like another two years!"

"Well dammit. Staying here seems a lot less appetizing now." Wendy pouted. Pointing at a scowling Mest, she frowned and said. "And put a shirt and shoes on. You're driving me to go get food."

"Seriously woman?! What do you have against driving?!"

And we're done for now! I seriously considered just leaving at the whole Wendy stormed off scene, but then I didn't want the responsibility of writing a sequel story to it, so ta-da! Lack luster ending!


End file.
